Announcing the world that you're in love with someone else takes it to a level of commitment she wasn't ready for; it would have made things more real than they were.

There you go, I think you are right about that. And there lies my theory that Kara never loved Lee as much as he did her. Sure he's her friend, best in fact. But as far as the love of her life goes, there's always been someone else besides Lee as well...

Not sure about the control part, but it's true that he's... paler, than Lee, somehow.

I know "control" is a bad word, I just couldn't think of a better word at the time. I don't think Kara wanted to "boss" Anders around. She just does whatever she wants and sensed Anders would not object to her. Well, I don't care what others say about Anders, he's a milktoast!